The Ballad of Lizzie McCall

This is the story of Lizzie McCall;
She was a fun loving kid, a regular ball.

Her two best friends were the Haggerty twins,
They met in the first grade, where our story begins.

The Haggerty twins were called Fiona and Heather.
And these three girls, they were always together.

They would romp 'round the schoolyard, playing games of all sorts—
Baseball, basketball, soccer—they loved all the sports.

At some sports they were graceful, at others they were spastic;
But the sport they loved and did best, was a sport called gymnatstics.

Lizzie was the best at the horse and the vault.
Every leap was perfection, each landing was without fault.

Number one was Fiona at the floor excercise.
She could tumble around playing tricks with your eyes.

Heather was the queen of the uneven bars,
Soaring higher and higher, nearly touching the stars.

They would practice on weekends and weekday afternoons,
Gymnastics camp in the summer, for the whole month of June.

By the time these three girls were in junior high school,
They were the best in the state, they were hip, they were cool.

They dreamt of gold medals and of fortune and fame;
Their highest ambition was the Olympic games.

Then one day in eighth grade the trouble began
When Lizzie made friends with a girl we'll call Jan.

Jan was a nice kid—funny, quick with a joke.
She was also a kid who had started to smoke.

Well, no wonder. Her mom was a smoker and so was her dad.
When she wanted a cigarette, there were lots to be had.

"Here try one", said Jan handing Lizzie a cig.
Lizzie hesitated, then she took a puff that was big.

She coughed and coughed, Jan just sat there and grinned.
Lizzie could not catch her breath, she had lost all her wind.

"You'll get used to it soon," cried Lizzie's friend Jan,
"You just need to smoke more. Yeah, sure that's the plan."

So each day after school and sometimes in the morning
Lizzie McCall would smoke cigarettes, despite all the warnings

That she got from her oldest and truest best friends—
From Fiona and Heather, from the Haggerty twins.

And before very long when she practiced gymnastics,
She was no longer graceful; she was really quite spastic.

Sure she started out fine, she was great, there's no doubt.
But by the end of each practice she was totally pooped out.

Meanwhile the twins just got better and better—
Jumping higher, tumbling faster, earning varsity letters.

Three girls who were all once the dearest of friends
Were no drifting apart, discovering new trends.

The twins, you might guess, succeeded quite will.
Lizzie's life I'm afraid went directly to...hayseed.

She quit sports all together, she let go of her dreams.
She smoked butts all the time, or at least so it seemed.

But that was all years ago, since then so much has been done.
The twins went to the Olympics. And you know what? They won.

Lizzie's been smoking now for eighteen years and three weeks.
Here teeth and nails are stained yellow and her hair really wreaks.

Her grey, wrinkled skin just kind of sags off her face.
In a race with nine turtles, she would come in tenth place.

She's tried to quit smoking many times don't you know,
But nicotine is so powerful, it won't let her go.

So she smoked and she smoked and she's now thirty one.
And last week the doctors found a spot on her lung.

As of today, Lizzie's fate is unclear.
But she's worried to death, she's riddled with fear.

Moms and dads, boys and girls, listen up and beware—
If you smoke, STOP. If you don't then stand clear

Of mean, mean Nicotine, the drug inside tobacco.
It'll make you an addict, It'll make you a whacko.

It'll poison your body. It'll clog up your lungs.
Next time it could be you for whom the bell rungs.

—w.ross